Rugrat Wing
by Bisho-jo Trio 123
Summary: My favorite bishonen battle the Rugrats! Fun!
1. Default Chapter Title

Here be a little ficcy from Bishojo #3. When reviewing, if you should so happen not to like this fic, please be kind to my friends, Bishojo #1 and Bishojo #2. They will be receiving the review also. Enjoy!  
  
Heero, Duo, and Quatre stood in the mission center on colony L1. The scientists had called them over for a special assignment. (Yeah, I know the doctors die in the last episode, but let's pretend they don't, kay?) Trowa couldn't come because he was at the circus and they didn't want Catherine to find out about this mission and Wufie was too busy to join the "weakling onnas" as he called them on their mission.   
  
After what had seemed like an eternity, Dr. J met with the three unstable, but reliable, teenagers to brief them on their mission. "The OZ has reassembled and are once again planning to take over the world and the colonies as well. However, this time, they have a weapon more powerful than any mobile doll ever created. This particular weapon will strike it's victims minds directly and slowly melt their sanity away." Dr. J turned to a large screen behind him and turned it on. "Their new weapon is the Rugrats!"  
  
Duo looked up at the screen with a skeptical look on his face. "And how exactly are a bunch of babies going to help OZ take over the world?" he asked. "Well, my friend, you've just seen the tip of the ice burg. These babies are enough to drive anyone insane. Even Heero. Observe."  
  
Dr. J flipped the scene of the rugrats sleeping, like they should be 24/7, to a scene where they're on another one of their retarded adventures. "Uh, where'd the light go, Tommy?" Lil asked.   
"I don't know. Let's check the refrigerator!"  
  
The three G-boys watched as that whole stupid episode played out. It wasn't long before each one of them, even Heero, were screaming for mercy and covering their ears with their hands. "Please! Stop! This show is too stupid! I want to die!" Duo yelled. Dr. J nodded and turned the screen off. "Sweet Mother of Mercy! That show's stupidity and utter pointlessness is beyond all comprehension! We must stop OZ from showing the world such a horrible, horrible thing! But how?" Quatre asked.  
"That is why I called you here." Dr. J began, "You are to go to earth and destroy the rugrats. Every last one of them before it's too late. Understood?"  
  
The teenage boys were taken a bit by this. Just seeing them on the screen was horrible enough, but to meet them in person! Still, this was a very important and very serious mission, so Heero spoke for the other two boys there with only two words. "Mission Accepted."  
  
A few hours later, the bishonen landed their Gundams on earth and hid them well in a nearby forest as they usually do for earth missions. They then proceeded to the first house. The Pickles residence. The house was pretty easy to spot what with it being big, red, ugly, and possible the only house on the block with spanish tiles. Heero began to examine the house. "No one's home." He informed the others. "Well," Duo said as he took out his trusty lock pick and unlocked the front door with the greatest of ease (he's a Gundam pilot after all), "let's go inside."  
  
Once inside, the poor poor G-boys felt as if they were going to barf. Pictures of the family were everywhere, Dil's toys covered with rancid drool littered the floor, not to mention the stench of a particular old man. "Well, at least they're not here. That would make things a million times worse." Said Quatre. Heero and Duo nodded in agreement and began to inspect the house, doing all they could to keep their lunches down.  
  
"OZ hasn't been here yet. My guess is that they were going to either force or offer these people to work with them. There aren't any signs that they're currently cooperating with OZ, but with these type of people, you never know." Quatre nodded in agreement to Heero's theory. "What do you think, Duo?" Quatre asked. "Duo? Where are you?"  
"Yum! Sharp cheddar cheese! What could be better?"  
"Duo! We're not here to raid their refrigerator!" Heero snapped.  
"I know, but you know what they say. Never kill on an empty stomach!"  
"Duo's right. Come to think of it, I'm pretty hungry myself. What about you, Heero? They aren't going to be home for a while and it has been a long time since any of us have eaten."  
"Sure, why not?"  
With that settled, the G-boys began to scrape the kitchen of every last bit of food there was.  
  
A few hours later, Dedee, Stu, and that grandpa guy returned with the rugrats. "Wow! That Dummi Bears movie was great!" Stu exclaimed. "It's simple plot and poor voice acting was almost too much for my simple mind to comprehend!"   
"I have to agree with you, Stu. It was just wonderful and so full of action!" Dedee said. "What do you think, grandpa?"  
"Where's my teeth! I lost them again and with my old and senile brain I can't seem to remember where I put them! Oh, wait. They're in my mouth! Nevermind."  
"But what about the movie?"  
"Wha? Oh right. It sucked."  
"Well, we thought it was wonderful and we're going to see it again! Can you take care of the kids while we're gone?"  
"Oh, sure. Dump your responsibilities on me."  
"Thanks pop! I'm just gonna grab something from the kitchen first." Stu said.  
  
Meanwhile, the G-boys were just waking up from their food-induced nap. Quatre was the first to awaken and upon hearing that Stu was going into the kitchen, panicked. "Duo! Heero! Wake up! We gotta get outta here!" Quatre said to his sleepy comrades. "Mm, Quatre, just a few more minutes, please?" pleaded a drowsy Duo.   
"We don't have a few minutes! We have to hide!"  
  
Quatre pulled Duo to his feet and turned to wake Heero up. Heero was already awake, but wasn't looking to good to say the least. "Heero, what's wrong?" the ever considerate Quatre asked with concern.  
"Ate....too many....chalupas....*urp*.." Heero muttered. Not wanting to waste anymore time, Quatre pushed Duo into the next room and lifted Heero onto his shoulder fireman style. He carried Heero out of the kitchen just as Stu entered. "Hey! Somebody's been in here and they've eaten most of our food! Dedee! Call the cops!"  
"But Stu, if we do that, we'll miss the next showing!"  
"You're right, well, Spike'll take care of whoever was in here! Let's go!"  
  
Stu and Dedee, the ever responsible parents they are, left their children and neighbor's children in the care of the old fart who sleeps a lot. Speaking of sleeping a lot, he took to his favorite hobby as soon as the front door was shut. Once Duo was fully awake and Heero digested a bit, the pilots slowly crept over to the other side of the kitchen and peeked in the living room. "Now's our chance. Remember what Dr. J said, we must destroy them at all costs." Heero said to his comrades.   
  
They nodded in agreement and Heero reached for his gun, only to find a note in it's place. "What's this?" Heero muttered to himself as he began to read the note.  
  
Heero,   
I'm on to you. I can not allow you to kill the Rugrats. This world of peace is not meant for soldiers such as ourselves. Our lives are now meaningless and if society doesn't want us, then we'll have to make society need us. However, if you really don't want to let OZ get the upper hand again and another war to start, then you'll have to battle me, and I won't let you get out of here alive. One way or the other, it's up to you Heero. Just remember what I said, for I know that in you heart of hearts, you agree with me. Without war, your life is just as meaningless as the weapons used for war. Think it over.  
~ Anonymous  
  
Heero's eyes narrowed at the letter. He had an idea of who had written it, but he wasn't one to jump to conclusions. "He must've taken our weapons while we were asleep." Quatre said, after viewing the letter. "Looks like we have no other choice then. Dr. J told us to keep as low a profile as possible, but he also told us to kill them at any cost."  
"Right, let's do it!" Duo said. "The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can leave!"  
"I'm not taking any chances this time. Using our Gundams to attack should be last resort only. There has got to be something we can use to kill them with." Heero stated.   
  
He began to search the entire kitchen for a weapon of some sort. He looked in the knives cabinet, only to find another note.  
  
Sorry Heero, but I removed everything you could use as a weapon from the kitchen. The only way you could kill them without using your Gundam is with your bare hands, but you won't do that. Not after you reclaimed your humanity. You have no choice, either let the babies live, or fight me.  
  
"Dammit! He's right!" Heero muttered to himself. "I can not screw up another mission. Quatre, Duo. Get your Gundams ready!"  
"Aye aye, Capin'!" Duo said as he ran out the back door to retrieve his beloved DeathSythe Hell from the forest. Quatre followed behind Duo, as Heero angrily crumpled up the paper. 'I can't believe him! I thought he would've learned by now! I guess being part of the Preventers isn't good enough for him! Then again, it may be someone else. For your sake, I hope so.' Heero thought as he ran off to join the others.  
  
Of course, three teenagers you've never seen before in your own house running out the back door is not something that is easy to miss. "Hey Tommy, who were those guys?" Chucky asked.  
"I don't know. Maybe they want to play!" Tommy said as he followed them out the back door, which they had left open.   
"Wait, Tommy! I don't know about this."  
"C'mon, Chucky. They seem nice enough! They might have candy!"  
"Well, I guess there's no point in me even trying to stop you, so let's go."  
  
Tommy, Chucky, Phil, and Lil walked into the backyard. Dil entered the scene on that bouncy chair of his. They looked around for the elusive trio, but found them no where. "I guess they didn't want to play after all." Tommy stated.  
  
The babies were just about to play a game in the backyard when three giant robots emerged from the forest and made they're way to their present location. "Hey look! I've seen those things on the Powder Wranglers!" Phil said, pointing at the mobile suits. "Hey, pst! Get over here now!" the voice of an older male said. "Remember what I told you?"  
"Uh, no." Lil said.  
"Wait, I know! Battle stations!" Tommy exclaimed.  
"Good! Who says you can't teach a baby anything? Now get over here! It's time to fight for our lives and beliefs! Well, actually my beliefs and your lives."  
"Yeah! This is gonna be cool!" Phil said.  
"I told you, this is not a video game! Now let's go!"  
  
The rugrats ran down into the basement where the robot reptar was waiting for battle. The older male had fixed it up for battle, but also installed a little something special to it. He took off the head phones and microphone he was wearing and chuckled. "Allows you to talk to baby and to understand baby. Thank you, Professor." He looked over his shoulder at the approaching Gundams and smiled. "Okay, Heero. Let's see what you've got." He put the head set back on and ran into the basement.  
  
The Gundams, Wing Zero, DeathSythe Hell, and Sandrock, stood over the Pickles residence. Quatre moved in closer to the house and lifted up the roof. He nearly jerked the joystick out of the cockpit when he didn't see the rugrats anywhere in the house. "They're gone!"  
"But that's impossible! They're babies! They could've gone far." Duo said.  
"You forget, Duo, these aren't normal babies we're dealing with." Heero said.  
"They might be hiding. I say we destroy the whole house! What do you think Heero?"  
"Roger that."  
  
Just before any damage could be done to the house by the Gundams, a huge mechanical dinosaur broke through the basement and did the job for them. It attacked suddenly, sending the pilots back a few paces before they could get a good look at their attacker. "Is that a new kind of mobile suit?" Quatre asked.  
"That's what it looks like, but who could be piloting it?" Duo asked.  
"You don't suppose those babies....."  
"Don't be foolish, Quatre! There is no way they could be piloting that!"  
"That's where you're wrong, Duo." The same male voice from before said.  
  
The video transmitter installed in the cockpit of the Gundams came on, revealing that the babies were, indeed piloting the dinosaur. But that wasn't all. "You see, I upgraded the Robotic Reptar for battle and I'm also assisting the babies in piloting it. However, they won't need my help, once I've activated the Zero System!"  
  
Zero System: A system installed in only a few select mobile suits, (Wing Zero, Epyon, and now the Robotic Reptar) that calculates battle data and statistics and sends them directly back to the pilot. It calculates the best mode of action in each battle and sends the image of what the best thing to do straight to the pilot's brain. It drives the pilot to his/her limit, making them almost invincible, straight to the point where s/he won't even fear his/her own death. Thus, helping him/her obtain victory. However, some pilots have mistaken the image the Zero System plants into their brains as their inevitable future, causing them to go insane. Heero is the only one known to have conquered the Zero System, but even an inexperienced pilot can be severally dangerous when piloting with that system.   
  
Heero, Duo, and Quatre stared in awe at the young man that was with the babies in the Robotic Reptar's cockpit. Heero leered at him. "I should've known it was you." The other pilots didn't want to believe what they were seeing. They couldn't, but there he was, right infront of their faces. "I never thought he would've done something like this." Quatre muttered sadly to himself. He didn't want to believe it, but still, he always knew he'd turn on them. "It just can't be true."  
  
Ha! I am evil! I love cliffhangers! Feel the wrath of anticipation fall upon you! Anyway, who is it that is helping the Rugrats? Will the Rugrats be able to destroy the Gundam pilots with the Zeros System? Will OZ take over the world? Will another war start? Find out next time! Please read and review!  
  
  
  



	2. Default Chapter Title

Cliffhangers are fun! I love being evil and driving people crazy like that! So, who was helping the Rugrats, and does this guy have yet another ace up his sleeve? Of course he does! That's what makes it so damn interesting! Okay, that's enough from me. On with the fic.

Heero gripped the joystick-like controllers of the Wing Zero tightly as he narrowed his eyes at his advisory. He really thought that he would've learned by now. His knuckles began to turn white as he gritted his teeth in anger. "Wufei, how could you?!" he spat out.

Wufei laughed at this and smiled evilly at his former war-buddies. "I already told you, Heero. Soldiers such as ourselves have got to take drastic measures to stay alive in this society. That is why I'm helping and protecting the rugrats. I know you agree with me, you're not satisfied with these missions assigned to us as Preventers. They're small potatoes for soldiers of our level and skill. They don't feed that hunger for action and battle with both have. This is no way to live."

"Innocent people are killed in war! Don't you care about them?!" 

"I am here to protect the innocent. You were going to kill these innocent babies, and I'm protecting them."

"They are not innocent, Wufei! They're weapons of insanity!" Quatre said.

"Enough of this! You weaklings are no match for us, and talking to you is rather a bore."

Wufei pressed a few buttons on the control panel before him. "I leave this to you guys." Wufei said into the microphone. "You can count on us!" Tommy said as the Zero System booted up. 

"He's turned on the Zero System!" Duo said, horrified after seeing what the Zero System can do.

"We've got to take this fight out of the city!" Quatre said.

The other two pilots agreed and took off, hoping that Wufei and the rugrats would follow in pursuit. "Running away, weak ones? Don't let them get away! I'll be back as soon as I get Nataku ready." Wufei ordered. He then jumped out of the RR's cockpit and took off the remains of the house as the rugrats chased the Gundams.

Wufei ran down to the basement where he kept his Gundam, only to find it missing. "Injustice! Who took my Gundam?!" he yelled at no one unparticular. He heard the sounds of something giant running around in the streets and the frantic yells of people. He walked out of the basement to find his Gundam smashing into things. The pilot, Grandpa Louie.

"Get out of my way you carn sarn wipper snappers!" he yelled as he mindlessly piloted through the streets to his destination: The Statesville Nursing Home. "I'll set you free, my senile friends! Free I say!" he yelled as he stepped on a water fountain.

"This is injustice! INJUSTICE DAMMIT!!! Give me back my Gundam you old fart!" Wufei yelled after grandpa Louie, who paid him no mind as he smashed a few houses. Just then, Chucky's dad came driving up the street to retrieve his son, when he saw the commotion. He stopped the car and rolled down the window to inquire about the mass destruction that was happening. "What's going on?" he asked Wufei.

"A great injustice! That's what! Lend me your car!"

Wufei reached inside and pulled Chucky's dad out of the car, tossing him to the asphalt. He then jumped in the pathetic station wagon (I don't know, Chucky's dad seems to be the type to drive around in a station wagon) and sped of, accidentally running over Chucky's dad in the process. "Ow! My hip!" he screamed as Wufei left him behind. "How am I supposed to clog dance and polka with my hip like this!? Now no woman will ever love me!"

Louie, who was unfamiliar with technology such as the Gundams, was having a very difficult time keeping the Shenlong Altron under control. The clutter of destroyed buildings and other such debre didn't help much either. Louie stepped on a few cars and quickly lost what little balance he had just as someone would if they were to trip on carelessly discarded Match Box cars. The Gundam fell to the ground, but Louie somehow managed to get the Gundam to catch itself with it's arms before colliding with the pavement face first. Of course, the force of the fall was felt in the cockpit as well. The seat belt of the Gundam stopped Louie from propelling forward, but not his teeth. "Dammit! Ow I eally ost my eef!" he yelled. Translation: Dammit! Now I've really lost my teeth!

Wufei brought the car to a screeching halt and jumped out just as Louie opened the hatch of the Gundam and climbed out. "You! I demand that you hand over my Gundam this instant!" Wufei yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Louie. "Shud up, you ucking uck! I'm ying to ind my eef!" he yelled back. Translation: Shut up, you fucking punk! I'm trying to find my teeth! Lost in the search of his beloved teeth, Louie accidentally tripped over his feet do to the dizzying effects of piloting a Gundam for the first time. As he smashed into the ground, his glasses flew off his face and landed several feet away. "Gread, ow I ost my esticals!" Translation: Great, now I lost my spectacles!

A pair of nearby teenagers over heard Louie's rants about his missing items. "Dude! Check it out! That old guy just said that he lost his testicles!" one said. The other frowned and turned to his friend. "That must suck! Let's make fun of him!"

"Okay."

Louie continued the search for his teeth and glasses when he noticed the teenagers walking towards him. "Dude, we heard you lost you testicles. That sucks, but don't worry, we found 'em!" One of the teens said as he held a pair of raisons in front of him. "You disrepectul little sits! I ki you!" Louie yelled as he ran after the teenagers. Translation: You disrespectful little shits! I'll kill you!

As Louie ran after the teenagers, Wufei ran up to his Gundam. He climbed into the cock pit and nearly gagged. "Oh my poor Nataku! You have the stench of an old man! I shall remedy this!" Wufei searched around until he found his travel bag. He reached inside and pulled out a fresh Glade Plug In. He plugged it in to an outlet and sighed as the fresh sent of flowers filled the cock pit.

Meanwhile, the G-boys had successfully lured the rugrats out of the city and into the desolate hills. When they reached a safe distance from the city, the Gundams swiftly turned around to face their pursuer. A move which was not anticipated by the rookie pilots of the Robotic Reptar.

Tommy and Lil tried in vain to get the RR to come to a halt, but tripped over the uneven ground and fell face first to the ground. The quick reflexes of the Gundam pilots prevented them from being taken out by the plummeting RR. The crew of the RR slowly got it back on it's feet and took a fighting stance. "So, you really wanna fight, huh?" Duo said, activating his thermal scythe. "Then let's fight!"

Duo charged at the RR with his scythe high in the air and ready to strike. Just when he was in range and was bringing the weapon down on the RR, the Zero System kicked in and the babies managed to block it. However, since Duo was much stronger than all the babies combined, he managed to push the RR down into a kneeling position and then kick it in the chest. He then brought his thermal scythe across the RR's chest, but didn't leave anything more than a scratch. "That mobile suit must be made of Gundanium alloy too." Quatre said as he watched the battle.

"Wufei really made some heavy modifications to it, but it's no match for us!" Duo yelled as he attacked again. He launched a stream of bullets from the machine guns on DeathScythe Hell's shoulder's in an attempt to demobilize a few weapons on the RR's arms. He managed to take on out of commotion, but the other launched a heavy attack of missiles straight for DeathScythe's cock pit. The attack caught Duo off guard, but thankfully he was buckled in. Though the attack did give him quite a headache.

Taking advantage of Duo's dazed condition, the RR struck the DeathScythe Hell with amazing speed; another one of the advantages of the Zero System. After pummeling the DeathScythe, the RR pulled back to make a devastating punch to the cock pit, but Duo managed to block it and counter attack. As the RR stumbled back from Duo's attack, it released a strong blast from it's mouth. It was almost as powerful as the Wing Zero's buster rifle!

"I don't believe it!" Quatre exclaimed as he saw his friend's Gundam go down after the attack. "Duo! Come in!"

"I'm okay Quatre. Man, what the hell did Wufei do to that mobile suit?"

"I don't know, but it looks like we may be up against something bigger than we thought here."

"I'll handle this." Heero said, in his usually cool voice.

"Hold on there, Heero." Wufei said out of nowhere as he entered the scene. "There's something you should know."

"What's that?"

"I didn't just install the RR with the Zero System, it also comes equipped with the Zero Point Five System!"

"Zero Point Five System?" Quatre repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes! The Zero Point Five System. It's got the strength of the Zero System and a half. I'd make it twice as strong as the Zero System, but that's just nuts. The Zero Point Five System distributes itself to multiple pilots, so that each pilot deals with their own little part of the system. Then it reconfigures itself and uses the info from the pilots to make it's move. Of course, the Zero Point Five System is meant only to be used by a suit with multiple pilots, like the Robotic Reptar. Even if you were some how able to activate the ZPFS, you'd never be able to handle it. In other words, you're screwed."

"Wait a minute, you mean we can access the ZPFS from our Gundams?"

"Yes, but I wouldn't recommend it. I suggest you surrender while you still can."

"You're nuts if you think we'll surrender to a bunch of babies!" Duo shouted.

"So be it then." Wufei said. "Rugrat team, annihilate them!"

So Wufei betrays the other G-boys and has sided with the Rugrats! What will happen now? Will the G-boys live long enough to activate the ZPFS? And even if they do, will they be able to handle it? Find out next time!


End file.
